So I have this fiancé that everybody thinks is so sweet. I have to hear it all the time, “You are so lucky to have such a sweet guy. I wish I could find someone as sweet as him.” Think I am using the word sweet to much, well welcome to a day in my life. Anytime we venture out it is all I hear sweet, sweet, sweet…. Well, I call bullshit! He’s just quiet and agreeable in social situations. The man I know is not that sweet.
He gets irrationally mad in a normal situation. Oh lord, tell him he is wrong and watch the sweetness go away like the back end of a riptide. Go ask that poor lady at Waffle House how sweet he is when his coffee and eggs have failed to make an appearance. Or my ex when he tries to pull some BS with me and the girls (okay I really enjoy this non-sweet part). I get all the nasty looks for saying he’s not so sweet. Come on! I live with him. I see all his good, bad and ugly. Is he a great man? YES!!!. Is he perfect? No!. Does he throw baby fits? Yes. Does he listen to my girls when they are sad and hug them and say it will all be okay? Yes!
It has made me think how many guys are out there that have been lumped into this category just because they are more reserved in social situations. The curse of sweetness. Does this mean that once you are branded “Sweet” that's it, you're done? Are they written off by the opposite sex because “sweet” guys make great friends? Do they now feel this pressure that they have to fill this role?
It took me awhile to get over his being branded as the “Sweet Guy." First, I had to realize that my own insecurities about being with a “MAN” were the reason I was fighting it. Second, I had to realize that he hadn’t asked for this branding, it was thrust on him. Third, the fact that I wasn’t going to break his spirit if I was mean to him. I actually think he kind of liked it.
Everybody treated him like saying something "not nice” to him was equivalent to kicking puppies. He has his version of when he fell in love with me. I still think its the day I looked at him and said: “That’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard, Do you even realize what the hell is spewing out of your mouth?”
Last but not least, the hardest part is understanding that these men have had this put on them so much that they feel uncomfortable letting the real stuff out. So many times has he feared that I would break it off because he was irrational or acting like an asshole. To the point that he would hide mistakes and bad judgments from me out of fear. (Okay, I can be kind of scary when I am mad so that probably doesn’t help.) It took a long time and many discussions but I have to keep reminding him if you allow me to be an irrational asshole then I have to allow it too. I also have to tell you when enough is enough and its time to get off the "Wambulance."
No, he’s not perfect, he’s human. He has bad days and good days. I am not the bad guy for saying he isn’t sweet all the time. I’m the lady who lives with him. When he is angry or annoyed I’m the one who gets the repercussions. You know why? It’s because he feels safe here. He doesn’t have to be eternally sweet with us. He knows that he can show his bad side and we will love him anyway. We don’t expect him to be the "sweet little lad you have always known." We expect him to be like us - slightly imperfect, just trying to be the best we can be. Maybe just maybe you should stop expecting him to be so sweet and accept he’s like the rest of us - little imperfect a little bit of an asshole but always trying to do better.
As I write this I am annoyed that the garden isn’t done but happy he’s snuggling our girls and telling them how much he loves them. You keep your perfect sweet guy I’ll take this irrational asshole that loves beyond all predetermined limits any day. For all his faults we love him anyway because we know who he truly is an imperfect asshole with a heart of gold.
Like my man, this dish is sweet and spicy. This is the kind of sweet no one would argue with.