Does anybody else have toastaphobia? Yes, I just made up a phobia. It’s the cool thing to do nowadays. I can’t keep up with all the neurosis, disorders and phobias that are popping up. There is even a name for my aversion to runny eggs. People that are crippled by their phobias and anxiety issues are different than declaring yourself an Ovaphobe. I can’t stand the sight of runny yolks but I don’t cease to function. It’s because it’s not a phobia, it just grosses me out. That’s it. I can file under the category of my irrational dislikes.
There doesn’t seem to be any harm in giving names to all these things. But, it does make me wonder who’s job it is to come up with all of these. In one building there are scientist and psychologists diagnosing and naming actual serious disorders and mental conditions. In another, there is a group giving a name to the condition of me not enjoying runny yolks or being disturbed by the word, moist.
Do we really need these people or this science? Can’t we just say, “Hey man, I don’t like my eggs all runny”? Is someone getting paid for this? Wouldn’t it better to put that money toward actual serious conditions? How does the office chat at work go?
“Hey Phil what are you working on?”
“We are studying childhood trauma and its effects on the subject's ability to handle social interactions.
“How about you Jane?”
"Oh we are getting down to what causes Bob over there to shudder everytime someone makes jello jiggle.”
I’m sure I could research why they think this is a necessary field but what’s the fun in that. Instead, I like to imagine that somebody, one day, in a difficult and time-consuming study decided, “Hey forget this. I’m going to start naming every irrational fear known to man.” Fear of curly object? We will call that curlaphobia. Can’t handle people who wear flip-flops in the grocery store? I got it. You now have toefood disorder. Not to be confused with tofuphobia. Hopefully, none of you have jangelaphobia or this recipe will seriously bother you. Maybe I have the phobophobia? I would like to apologize to all the people out there who have serious anxiety issues for all the time that is wasted on "Tina" and her fear of parting her hair the wrong way.