Here is a question. Would you confront people if you still had to do it in person? It seems nowadays if you offend or upset somebody they wait until they are safely behind a iPhone screen to tell you about it. That way they don’t have to have an actual conversation or be responsible for any hurt they could cause. I say stupid shit all the time, this is the main reason you will only see me out with my nearest and dearest. The people that I know tell me to my face when they don’t like something, giving me the chance to either explain myself or have it out with them. They don’t wait weeks, days or hours. Right away is how we function and it works.
People now like to throw bombs into rooms and walk away not having to confront any destruction they have caused.
Robin recently got really mad at me over placating a person I shouldn’t have. She was right and I was in the wrong. Did she text or Facebook message me? No, she sat me down and we had a conversation. That way she got to tell me in person why it hurt her and she also got to see how much that wasn’t my intention. We sat across from each other and I could see how what I did affected her. If she had just sent a message we wouldn’t have shared the moment where I could see what hurt I had caused and she wouldn’t have witnessed how much I truly had made a mistake that I deeply regretted. We left that moment even better friends than when we started- screens steal this from you. People now like to throw bombs into rooms and walk away not having to confront any destruction they have caused.
You should be forced to look someone in the eyes before you say something that could be hurtful. Even if you think you are the one has been wronged. How are you suppose to know people’s intentions looking at a screen? How can you tell if they are truly sorry or just blowing smoke up your ass in a text message? I offended you to your face why can’t you tell me to mine? Often, I find these same people hide behind screens to deliver anything they think will cause some emotion, even things that are their fault and they are doing the hurting this time.
Strange how when someone wants to unload all their problems on you, they can do it in person. You will sit for hours listening to all their problems in person, giving them hours of your free time and help them through a tough time. As soon as it isn’t about them, “poof” they are gone, behind a screen. Robin tells me all the time that I need to stop letting people get to me and she’s right. I bend over backwards for people. Cooking dinners, late nights on the porch hearing their problems and last-minute favors. Saying “No” is like an STD for me. Every time I think I am getting better I get another flare up. You know where they are when I am sitting at home anxiety-ridden and in a dark place? Nowhere to be found.
I see all those quote things about how “the strong ones can be the saddest.” Of course, that’s true. You ever take the time to wonder why? Maybe because they weren’t allowed to just show every emotion when they had it. They were probably were taught to, “suck it buttercup”. Usually, living a life where people threw you out as soon as you were a bother and not useful anymore. Ask yourself this - how often do your really see them? And when you do, how much do they every really show anything other than humor?
That person on the other side of the screen has feelings too, you just made it so you don’t have to be bothered with that part. How would you feel if that person is on a ledge and desperately trying not to fall back down that dark hole and you just nudged them over? If you had sat down with them you would have seen the tears well in their eyes and heard the pain in their voice. Maybe just maybe you could have ended in a heartfelt hug and you both would have had some healing. Instead, you decided that your wound could only be healed by wounding someone else.
I am, by far, not perfect. Perfect is like that mirage in the desert. I think I saw it but it disappears every time I take a step towards it. What I don’t do is hurt or insult people from a distance. I do all my dumb shit live and in color. As I get over my rant that I have now forced on you innocent folks another thought comes to mind.
If your friends enough for your words or actions to be so hurtful then shouldn’t they have enough respect to tell you to your face or at least over a phone call. If you expect them to respond to your pain shouldn’t you be concerned about theirs? Can you really be a friend if you are willing to hurt them back and then walk away not giving a shit if they are wounded now? Who is the bad guy now? Is it the one who wounded without the knowledge or is it they who did it on purpose and showed no concern?
Are these people truly your friends or family? I don’t think so. People who care about you, don’t just care about you when it is convenient for them. Your true friends will tell you when you piss them off or hurt them. Hell, I tell Robin even when she’s making me jealous. She has heard the exact quote “ I am out of here! I can’t take the Robin adoration anymore.” Which she promptly responds, “It is not my fault, I am irresistible”. At which point I roll my eyes and venture to find another slightly bitter, smart ass to visit with until the queen has finished her visit.
Maybe all us “people pleasers”, “dumb shit sayers”, and all the others who can offend people at the drop of a hat need to forgive ourselves a little. If we are generally a great friend and a good person do we really deserve to be treated like we are only worth a text message? How about this - we start our own phone tree? A national support group for people fed up with messages. PFUM, okay that sounds ridiculous but you get the gist. When one of us gets a faceless/voiceless message we must immediately forward it to the next in line to deal with. Take all the hurt, anger and real feelings out of it because that's what the sender did. What better way to deal with someone who throws a grenade into a dark and walks away then to have someone waiting to throw it right back at you? It is not so much fun when the bomb is on the other foot, is it?