A short story for a busy week. Thought I would share one of my favorite Thanksgiving memories from when I was young and fresh faced New Orleans bartender. Back when all my parts were in the right places and mysterious rolls didn’t appear when I put pants on.
Unbeknownst to me a certain gentleman had the desire to date me. Guys, why don’t y’all just come out and say it? some of us ladies are clueless, you know. I assumed all men that talked to me just wanted to be friends. Oh how my youthfulness was wasted on my lack of understanding mating signals. He invited me to his Thanksgiving and I politely said that I would try to make it. I guess he heard that as a yes.
Since I had no family in town I decided to go ahead and work Thanksgiving. Why not make money if I had no plans? Well plans that I was aware of. It was a slow night as all holidays are. As the night wore on the regular crowd starts to appear, bellying up to the bar for a much needed drink to wash away whatever family drama they had just endured. All of sudden a man appears with a large foil wrapped object. I quickly realize that it’s my “want to be gentleman caller'“ and head over to say hello. He did not want to say hello. That was clear right away. This its how events unfolded.
“You didn’t come!”
“ I’m sorry I had to work, I didn’t think it was a big deal”
“I BBQ’ed a turkey for you!” He shoves the foil wrapped package in my face and as the side falls over I can distinctly see the very large brown turkey inside.
“ I don’t remember asking you too”
“It was supposed to be a surprise. I BBQ’ed a whole turkey for you!”
Realizing this isn’t going well I start to retreat farther behind my bar
“Well, I am sorry but I didn’t agree to come and I had to work. I appreciate the effort but no one promised you I would be there for the BBQ’ed turkey.”
This made him very angry. If the veins in his head were any clue, he was at explosive levels.
My not so sensitive patrons started to giggle. I mean can you blame them? this man was waving a giant foil wrapped turkey around blaming me for its existence.
This must have been the last straw because he took that turkey lifted it it up and yelled, “Fuck you! Here’s your fucking turkey!” Then he proceeded to throw that foil wrapped monstrosity down the bar. I don’t know if it was the foil or the leaking turkey juice but that thing glided down the bar and then flew off through the air and landed right between me and my fellow bartender.
He turned on his heels and stormed out calling me a stream of profanities. Once the turkey dust settled we both were still standing there looking at this giant bird wearing its space blanket from its tragic experience .
My Co-worker looks at me and says, “You think its still good because we haven’t eaten all day?”
After we all stopped laughing we placed that bird on the bar and dug into that BBQ’ed turkey. I can say I think I am one of the few people in this world that has a BBQ’ed turkey hurled at her and I am glad I went to work that day because I made money and that turkey was pretty damn good.
P.S.- I never went on a date with BBQ’ed turkey guy. If he starts by throwing turkeys I would hate to see what’s next. Teriyakied Buffalo?