Warning my next few posts may lean toward the angry.
I'm not sure why but the weather got beautiful, and I got crabby. It's like I can't stand joy. I have this crazy theory that you can't ever have pure joy. It's too dangerous. Everytime something good happens I experience joy for a split second then I wait for it. I know it's coming - the equalizer. The world or at least my world requires that good is evened out with bad. For some reason in my life, it usually happens within 24 hours. For example, I had just had my youngest daughter, and they wheel her into my room, and I pick her up and hold her. I look down at her and say out loud, "See this is wonderful. I have a little family. We have our problems, but this is all worth it." At this exact moment, my now ex-husband comes barreling through the door, drunk off his ass and barking at me, "How long do we have to fucking stay here? I'm tired of this place." He then proceeded to plop down on the chair and scowl at me. Warm fuzzy feelings see you later. Because it's my fault I dared to produce human life, and these fucking quacks want to make sure that the baby and I are okay before they send us home. I swear I looked down at the baby and she looked at me like "You know you brought this on yourself. You know how this works and your dumb ass is going around saying things out loud. They say don't tempt fate maybe you should listen."
My first day as a Realtor I had the amazing luck of getting a client, something that is almost unheard of in Real Estate. Not only that but I was now pretty much a single Mom (I know shocker after my previous example) and the client made the appointment during school hours. I can work and not get a babysitter? It's a miracle! Here I am all giddy in the car, thinking about how lucky I am and then it came. Right through my car window flew a wasp and bam stung me right in my lip. I show up to my appointment all dressed up with all my very "professional" lines rolling through my head. You know what doesn't look professional? A woman with a giant bottom lip that is so swollen that keeping the saliva from running from my mouth is now an impossibility. Just standing there trying to talk "Hi, how r ju, wowie mo ni da met ya, slurp." I did pull it off though and proved once again that self-deprecating works every time.
Just this week I finally had a property close after months of some pretty bad luck in the Real Estate business. There I was with a check in my hand letting the joy of being able to pay bills and maybe just maybe I could take a break from the hustle and bring my girls on a little trip wash over me. Then that ominous feeling came over me. Damn it, Jolie, you know to mask your joy. I turned to Lucius and said, "Stop smiling you are just going to make it come faster." Sure enough, I open my email and there it is - Dear Jolie, we are sorry to inform you, you owe X amount of dollars... minutes, it took minutes to equalize.
Now, this may come off as complaining, but I'm truly not. You see the bad is never as bad as the good is good. Do I bring it on myself by putting bad vibes out in the world? Maybe? In my mind, once the bad thing happens I am then allowed to enjoy the good thing. Do I not think I deserve the good things in life? it could be but that's more a question for a therapist, and since I refuse ever to see one, I will never have to struggle with this knowledge. My theory is if I never experience pure joy, I'll manage to avoid the ultimate bad luck. I like to believe that I now will never die in a freak accident. Never will have an airplane toilet come plummeting from the sky and kill me instantly. So am I paranoid or am I a genius?
This dish comes from the opposite of good to bad. I was making Sunday Supper, and someone had promised to bring Crawfish Etouffee. Well, they and their etouffee did not make an appearance. By luck, a friend had dropped off some crawfish earlier and I already had an idea for a different crawfish dish. I love cream sauce, crawfish, and gouda cheese - how could it go wrong? It can't. That's the answer it can't. This time the universe took the bad thing and sent me a good thing. Proof it works both ways.